Missing Pieces
Oh, I miss you so much. Yes, our relationship is long distance and I knew when we started dating that I would only see you a few times a month. But we were still communicating non-stop and basking care-free in our safe happy sexy “new relationship bubble.” I didn’t know things would go so quiet on your end when the stress of life hit you hard.
Now, if you send me a message at all, it’s distracted and distant and you won’t discuss when we can see each other again. It’s hard. My love languages are Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. If you just sent me a note occasionally telling me I am beautiful or telling me you miss me, I would be satisfied with that, (for now.) It would be better if you could make solid plans, but I really do understand that life just isn’t that simple for you right now. I can wait.
I guess it’s time for me to live up to the big words I say (and honestly believe) about relationships. I believe that all relationships can find their level. I also believe they can ebb and flow. But believing that and living that, are two different things sometimes. I am sad.
I saw you last weekend, and you reassured me. You held me and told me how special I am and that we’re ok. You told me I am always welcome in your home. Our little “poly family” is a really special thing we share, but we need alone time too. We need to connect, just us, alone in our own space. Let’s do it soon!
I am going to let you find your way to me in the best way you can. I believe your words. You don’t lie to me. I hold onto the words in the gap. Our relationship will find its level again. I don’t want to lose you, so I will trust my own words and know that the relationship my heart was careening towards in the early days of our connection is not the only relationship I can have with you. It may even come back, that’s the ebb and flow, right?
It’s summer. It’s hot. I’m lonely. I want you.
I will focus on my other relationships — relationship anarchy reminds me that my romantic relationships are not more valuable than my friendships and I take that to heart. My girlfriends sustain me. I see my gal pals (Elle Beau- see so hard to say my girlfriends/Girlfriends? We need those words! LOL) every week without fail. Hanging out with them, exploring the city on Friday Fun Days, filling my days with lots of girl talk, wine, and adventures. It really is pretty great.
Yes, I have other partners, being poly means I still have other romantic connections. But right now, it seems all of them are busy or stressed or going through something as well! I miss them too. I’m not having enough sex, definitely not kissing enough, not even flirting enough. I hope THAT changes soon.
But, back to you. Let’s talk soon. Until then, know I miss you.
Our time will come… ebb and flow.
