Dear Diary…

What could possibly go wrong?

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Photo with permission — Digital_lala

Dear Diary,

This evening I am having a party to celebrate my one year anniversary living in Berlin. My Berlin-a-versary! I am so excited! I feel like a kid whose parents just told her they are going to Disney Land, but not until tomorrow! All the jitters and excitement and anticipation with no way to get out all the energy.

That’s why I am turning to you, my trusty diary. The one place I can say anything, and not worry that you will think I am off my rocker, or just “too much!”

Berlin has been so good to me. This place has an energy that makes me feel so alive. I have learned to enjoy a level of freedom I had no idea existed before. I have found love in so many different forms. I have so many beautiful smart talented people in my life here.

I moved to this glorious city because I was tired of traveling, tired of making friends only to “lose” them again the next week because one of us was moving on. I needed community. I needed people in my life who would be there day in and day out, and for whom I could be there too. I knew I could find that here from the minute I stepped foot on its sidewalks, on a one month visit, almost two years ago.

I have the community, the family, I yearned for now.

I have a girlfriend who calls me up and says, “What are you doing? I have wine! Pizza and a movie?” Then shows up, lays on the floor, and watches cheesy lifetime movies with me.

I have other girlfriends who sit in cafes with me every week, side by side, silently sipping fancy lattes and writing or getting work done.

I have lovers. Yes, plural. I have partners and a boyfriend. Men I adore; each for their own characteristics, our uniquely created relationship, and special emotional bond.

Tonight, everyone is coming to my party. My polycule, my friends. What could possibly go wrong? None of my partners have met each other, yet. None of my friends have met my partners, yet.

I’ve met my boyfriend Benjamin’s wife, Mia, but I haven’t met William’s partner- Allison. I will tonight. Alex will be there too, but he and his girlfriend don’t meet their other partners, so he will come alone. Stefan, my very first poly partner, can’t come. He is spending the weekend in the country with his parents, his other girlfriend, and his daughter. Weekends are difficult for him to be in the city, but he sent me sweet messages last night, and I know he would be here if he could.

I can’t wait for everyone to be together to share, in person, the love and respect we all have for each other. I also know, that this situation could be fraught with emotional situations. There will be plenty of opportunities for “feelings” to arise.

My monogamous friends may be uncomfortable seeing my partners with their partners. I know they will worry that it will bother me to see them together, and not “with” me. (I will be fine- I think.) My partners have never seen me with my other partners. If I touch one affectionately, or sneak a quick kiss, how will the others feel? We all know what happens on our dates with others, but tonight will be the first test of physical presence, for us all. What could possibly go wrong?

Yet, despite the potential pitfalls, despite the fact that I will be meshing my whole lovely crazy beautiful Berlin community, in one small 500 square foot flat on a hot summer night, I have faith.

I have faith that respect will win. I have faith that love will ensure each of us assumes good will, and remembers that no one is intentionally seeking to hurt anyone else. I have faith that my friends and loves are amazing caring people and will seek out only the best in one another tonight.

I can’t wait!

Thanks for listening Diary. I needed to get that off my chest. Get some of the energy and thoughts out, before I burst. I better get going, I have to buy some Prosecco for pre-party cocktails with Benjamin and Mia when they get here, and good lord I still need a shower. I am out of here! ❤

World traveler, memoir writer, lover of all things relationship- especially non-traditional! Follow me on Twitter: @ELByrne1

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