Being in Berlin with Stefan, having recently been in a break-up with Dex. Having more chances than usual to talk about what polyamory and non-monogamy in general mean to me. It has me thinking about love lately. It all comes down to love, doesn't it? But as I have learned on this journey- love means so many different things to everyone.

How do I love? And how do you love? And how does that work for us together?

Traditionally you can say, “I want to fall in love and settle down.” Everyone would probably say that they know what that…

After almost two years with very few sexy times in the “back,” I am finally back in Berlin (see what I did there?!) where my partner and I share not only a non-traditional relationship but a pretty non-traditional sex life too. Until this week, I couldn’t remember the last time we had “penis in vagina” (PIV) sex. (And to be honest, this time was kind of an accident, but once he was in there, we enjoyed the moment.) Our kink, if you will is fisting, toys, and anal. Oh, how I’d missed anal sex. What I had kind of forgotten…

He’s not wrong

Not very long ago, my monogamous partner of nine months and I broke up. There were so many reasons for this, the fact that he is monogamous and I am polyamorous was just one of many. The wild part is, we never fought, we hardly ever disagreed, and we freaking enjoyed the hell out of each other’s company. But as most of us know, despite what the rom-coms want you to believe, love just ain’t enough.

One of the main things that came across loud and clear when we finally sat down and had a good discussion…

Thump, thump, thump. Blood pumps in her ears and her chest cramps in pain. Legs burning, she races up and down and up and down dark deserted streets. Sweat drips down her face, burns her eyes, becomes salty brine on her lips. She keeps going. A maze of glass and mirrors, lights flashing blue and green- like the gentle Northern lights cascading over the fields of her youth. But not like that at all.

Wild animals give chase. Their fecund scent fills the air, jaws snapping, spittle forming at the juncture of jaw and teeth. She can’t run fast enough…

I walk down the street, cute cotton skirt flipping up a bit in the wind. The breeze feels good on my legs, exposed to the elements for the first time in months, it makes me feel happy to be alive! As I walk down the avenue, the old colonial building lining the streets seem to be even even brighter shades of pastel than usual. It’s probably the fresh air and the fact that my face is upturned to the sun! The brightness is burning the old winter blues away from my mind.

Ahead of me is the flower market. A…

I’ve had the idea for this post about the risk of love for a while, but since today is Valentine’s Day and I have a little time to sit here and write, I figured now was a good time.

A stone’s throw from Jerusalem
I walked a lonely mile in the moonlight
And though a million stars were shining
My heart was lost on a distant planet
That whirls around the April moon
Whirling in an arc of sadness
I’m lost without you. I’m lost without you
Though all my kingdoms turn to sand
And fall into the sea
I’m mad about you. I’m mad about you…

Well- this has been some year eh? The whole concept of a polycule and multiple relationships is suspect in a year when getting together and seeing other people was mostly against the rules, let alone meeting new people, yet… we endure. For now, let me gather all the words and present my annual end of year overview of the polycule as it is and has evolved this year. (For more links to previous updates- see the bottom of this page.)

When I realized I preferred non-monogamy as my relationship orientation, it was as big a surprise to me as it was to everyone around me. I grew up a very traditional Christian, and I had never heard the word polyamory, even after I had basically started practicing my relationships that way. But now I have a little over four-years practicing non-monogamy under my belt and I cannot imagine my life any other way.

One of the most interesting things to come from living my life being open to and/or having more than one committed romantic relationship at a time has…